When I Realise
by PrimroseMalfoy
Summary: Then I realise, he called me Lily, For the first time in my life, James had the decency to call me Lily. In an instant, I am up on my feet and out the door.
1. When I Realise

Hellooooo everyone xD

umm well here is a Jily story I kinda wrote xD It'll be a three-shot , maybe , so tell me if you like it , yeah? :)

warning! it does have swearing! :D

oh and also , I don't own Harry Potter , the setting , characters or anything (damn ...) :D

enjoy ... :)

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"Do you think I should, Remus?" I ask worriedly. "Maybe he doesn't like me like that. Oh no, I bet he doesn't! What am I going to do?" I ramble to one of my best friends, Remus Lupin.

Remus sighs and puts his Muggle Romance book, Romeo and Juliet, down. He pulls himself up and rests his back on a tree. He looks very tired from last night. It must be so hard for him, and I instantly regret hammering him with questions.

"To be perfectly honest, Lily, I don't think it's a good idea. Severus, well, he doesn't seem the type too have girlfriends, more like mistresses. I honestly don't think that it would be a good idea for someone .. like you .. to be dating Severus." Bloody Remus. Always thinking 10 years ahead. I sigh, very emotionally frustrated. I'm just about to reply when I here an all-too-familiar yelp of pain from down by the lake.

Oh no! Stupid Potter. I swear, if he is annoying Severus again …

Remus continues his book, but I move to get up. Remus grabs my arm instantly to stop me. "No" he says pleadingly, "Please don't Lily. You'll get hurt." I scoff and shrug his hand off my arm. Remus is nice, but sometimes he doesn't accept that I can take care of myself.

I stand, my anger already bubbling. I storm to the waters edge, where Potter is putting yet another Bat-Boggey hex on Severus. I should be used to this by now, I think to myself as I see Black and Pettigrew hexing Severus as well, laughing right along with Potter. Maybe I am used to it, but it doesn't make seeing him in pain any better. Severus means so much to me, more then those cold hearted gits will ever understand. I just can't let him be tormented like that. At times I think I may be falling in love with him …

"Oi! Potter! Stop hexing Severus, will you?!" I flip an annoying strand of red hair from my face. Sirius looks at me, and smirks, although lowers his wand slightly. Sirius has made it his mission to get Potter and I together and he thinks that doing what I say_ sometimes_ will accomplish that. Yeah, right! Peter cowers away immediately, running to Remus, who usually treats him nice, unlike the other two. They are horrible to him! Anyway, as expected, Potter just acts cockier, not even bothering to look Severus in the eyes before sending another curse his way.

"I said stop it!" I yell, pulling my wand out. Ugh! Potter can be so infuriating at times! I give him one of my famous death stares before raising my wand higher. Potter falters slightly. There are certain advantages to having a renowned personality as fiery as your hair, and he has more then once before felt the wrath of my wand. Potter recovers quickly enough, though, flicking his wand at Severus arrogantly. I see Severus' body contort in pain, and I feel my own heart give a jolt.

"Any last words to your girlfriend, Snape?" Potter spits, the jealousy in his voice _very _evident. 'Merlin' I think to myself, exasperated, 'he cant still be going on about the whole being in love with me thing, can he?!' It actually sickens me to know that he won't give up. It sickens me that he has been playing these silly games with my head for the last 6 years.

Severus turns his head slightly, so as to look directly at me. His face softens as I look into his eyes, but then he assumes a stone-cold look that I have only seen him give his worst enemies, like Potter or Black. I have never seen this look aimed at me. Ever. Then he speaks, his voice hoarse, but somehow full of venom. "I … don't need ... your help … mudblood"

Everyone, even Jam- Potter, falls silent. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I literally take a step back, trying not to fall over. I'm the only mudblo- I mean, muggleborn here. He was talking to _me. _He can't have. He wouldn't have! 'But he did.' I think. My anger from earlier returns, but there is something else that is overpowering it – hurt, pain and heartbreak.

"Well, Fuck you too" I manage to spit in what I hope is a resentful voice before I storm away, barely holding back tears. It takes so much to fall in love, but only two seconds and a handful of words for all of that to be gone.

Behind me, I hear the soft voice of Remus saying 'You probably shouldn't have done that, Severus.' And the angry and _very_ loud voice of Black saying 'bloody hell James! What the hell were you thinking?!'

Finally, just before I turn the corner into the castle, I hear punches being thrown and the _very, very _angry voice of Potter saying 'don't .. you .. ever .. call .. her .. that .. again.' Each syllable earning a new punch at his target. It doesn't occur to me until later that James just physically beat up Severus because of what he said to me.

As soon as I am out of sight, I run straight for the astronomy tower; no one should find me there.

As I reach the staircase leading to the tower, I can't attempt to hold my tears back any longer. They start freely flowing down my face, smudging the makeup I so carefully applied this morning, for Severus, no less. I run up the stairs and crumple into the nearest corner, an emotional wreck.

I cant believe he said that to me. He, of all people, called me the unmentionable. He promised me the day we met that he never would, and I made him promise me every summer that we spent together since. Just because that dirty rotten git is a pureblood, from a rich family and a bloody snake, of all things, doesn't mean he can go around calling people, friends, people who actually love him .. or _did _.. the unmentionable name. his words, the resentment in his face and the looks of everyone else's face keep flashing through my mind. Its like some nightmare that I know I will never wake from.

I hear the door to the tower open. Probably the greasy-haired git coming to apologise. But even if its not, I will _not _let anyone see me crying. I will not let anyone know how much Severus has hurt me. "Go away Snape! Don't talk to me ever again!" I put extra effort on his last name, so he knows how much I resent him at the moment.

"Ahh" says a familiar cocky voice. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Now, I suppose I should leave too?" it's Jam- Potter. His presence is not totally unwelcome (using him to get back at Severus _has _crossed my mind more then once in the last 10 minutes.) but I don't need him at the moment. I don't think I can handle _anyone, _especially Potter right now. He'll only make it worse.

"Yes. Yes you should!" I spit, not looking up so he doesn't see me crying. I hope he doesn't hear the way my voice breaks as I fight back another helpless sob. The last thing I need is for Potter to be telling the school that I am a weakling.

James just scoffs in that annoying way. "Well, it's a good thing I'm notorious for not doing what I'm told, isn't it?" he moves to sit next to me. I jump up, my anger blinding me from the fact that Potter now knows I'm crying like a little baby.

"NO! JAMES POTTER YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!" I scream. Potter stands up slowly, his eyes not leaving mine. He takes a step back, his smile wiped off his face, but only for a moment before resuming his trademark smirk.

"Well, that's 5 galleons to me! You called me James!" he says cockily. We had this bet, three years ago, that I would not call him James out loud before he called me Lily.

I can't take it anymore. I can't take **him **anymore "JAMES POTTER I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! JUST FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE AND NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN BEFORE I HEX YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF!" I scream once more, with all my lungs this time, all my emotions spewing forth. I startle even myself with the power and loathing in my voice.

I see his eyes widen in shock. I'm not surprised; I don't usually let myself get this angry in front of people. James takes another step back. Then another, then another and another. He's actually backing away, looking as startled as I feel. His face clearly shows fear and … hurt? Is James Potter really upset?! No! He can't be, I'm just seeing things! "H – Hey Lily, I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to see if you were alright .. I'm … I'm sorry …" Jam- Ugh! Why am I calling him that?! _Potter _runs out of the room, leaving me to sulk in peace. I sit down and sigh a breath of relief that Potter gave in so easily.

Then it hits me. He gave in easily. James **Potter **gave in. One does not simply _give in_ when they are James Potter. Then I realise something else; he called me Lily. For the first time, Pott- no, _James, _had the decency to call me Lily.

In an instant I am up on my feet and running out the door.

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yeah , so if you would like to quickly drop in a review , that would be much appreciated :) as much as you hate it , or love it , advice is welcome!

Peace , love , and cookies ,

PrimroseMalfoy , 3 xoxox ,


	2. An Actual Display of Human Emotion

**Disclaimer: **as much as I wish I do, I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or places. I own the plot and nothing else J 

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I can't have hurt him too badly, can I? Does James even have emotions?! Either way, in a short time, I am at the Gryffindor common room. I burst, breathless, in the door, my eyes still noticeably red from crying. There, I find a completely empty common room. They must all be up in their dorm or something. I stand there, bewildered for a moment, until movement from the boys' staircase catches my attention. Down comes an even more scared-looking then usual Peter, clutching Remus' arm. Even Remus looks a little shaken up at whatever is going on upstairs.

"Where's Ja- Potter," I ask hurriedly. I mentally slap myself for being breathless because of Potter and angry at myself for almost slipping up on his name. All three look at me with the same worried expression. I can tell it's not good.

"He's in our dorm. He came in not five minutes ago, crying. Actually crying! He was muttering all sorts of nonsense about being a failure." Sirius said disbelievingly. As he came down he stairs, nursing a red hand mark on his face. "we went up there and tried to see what was going on, but James is bloody pissed off! These two had the common sense to leave early. Being my usual stubborn self, I stayed and this is what I got. I don't know what the bloody hell you did Evans! In all the years I have known the kid, he's _never _been like this! I wouldn't recommend going up there is I were you. " Peter nods agreement grimly from beside Sirius.

I stop, shocked. James was crying?! Over _me!_ Why would anyone, least of all James Potter, cry over me?! I turn to Remus, about the only person that I trust at the moment. "He really does like me, doesn't he" the realisation dawns on me, and I already know the answer, but I have to ask anyway.

"Yeah" Remus says, almost sadly, confirming my fears. "he won't even talk to us, that's how bad he's feeling" he smiles encouragingly at me, "don't listen to Sirius. You're the only one who can fix it. Go on up there, Lils."

Remus has always been a good friend of mine, and honestly, the only reason I never believed him when he said that James seriously liked me was because no guy has ever liked me, and apart from James, no guy will ever like me. Except Severus … but anyway, it was hard to believe _anyone _would like me, want to date me. Until James started crying about what I said to him …

I take Remus' advice, and quickly make my way up to the boys' dorm. Upon reaching it, I knock softly on the closed door. I hear a harsh "fuck off Sirius" and a slightly softer sob. It shatters my heart then and there. He, _James Potter, _is actually in tears, because of me. _An actual display of human emotion. _I almost start crying along with him. My heart gives a painful throb. It's because of what I said that he's like that. It's all _my fault _that he, for what very well could be the first time in his life, is crying.

I stand there blankly for a minute. What if he hurts me, like he did Sirius? What if he too calls me a mudblood? And on the off chance that I am able to talk to him, what the bloody hell am I going to say?! I have never said anything more, that's nice, then 'hello, I'm Lily' when we were in our first year!

I enter anyway, unlocking the door with a quick '_alohomora' "_Ahh, so I guess I should leave too" I say, casually, mimicking James' words from earlier. It's the only thing I can think of at the moment, as I am repeatedly replaying the astronomy tower scene in my head. James' head whips up, and then he hides it just as quickly, so as to not let me see his tear-stained face and red eyes. Too late though. Because I see that he is pretty much the mirror image of me 10 minutes ago.

"What do you want?" he asks, trying not to sob as he spoke. I do hear his voice break though, and I wonder again if he heard mine break that way earlier, though that's the least of my worries at the moment. I walk over and sit on the bed next to his – Sirius' bed, I assume. He still doesn't look at me.

"You … you called me Lily. You never call me Lily. Ever." I mutter pathetically. I have no idea what to say, and the fact that he did call me by my given name intrigues me.

"Sorry" he mumbles. I move over and sit on his bed next to him, though not too close, and awkwardly placed my hand on James' shoulder. This make him look up at me in shock, and I automatically cup his chin in my small hand and lift his face up so his eyes meet mine and stay there. He cringes, trying to pull away, but I don't let him. "Don't look at me. I'm a wreck' he shy's away, blushing slightly. Merlin, is this even James?! Since when did James _Potter _act like this?! Its kinda .. adorable.

"I don't care James, honestly I don't." that does the trick. As I say his name, his first name, which sounds as nice coming from my mouth as mine did from his, he looks at me, instead of the wall behind me. His eyes widen in shock again, but not the bad kind. His expression is quite cute, confused but sad. I brush a hand against his cheek, stopping a tear in its tracks. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you would get this upset. I didn't know I could make you cry with a handful of words. I didn't know I could make you cry at all."

James finally seems able to speak. "Well, Severus made you cry with a handful of words. It's no different" he says quietly.

"Well, James," I say, suddenly feeling like I want to tell James everything I'm thinking and feeling. "I liked Severus, a lot. I was starting to think that maybe I loved him and …" I can't go on, traitorous tears starting to flow down my face again.

So James finishes my sentence off for me, "… and now you're not because of what he said to you, your worst nightmare came true not only front of you, but in front of me, the very person you most despise, _and_ from the lips of the person you cared most about in the entire world." I couldn't believe this was coming from his lips.

"Yeah. That's exactly it," I whisper, still slightly shocked. "I .. I don't hate you, James. I never really have." I manage to whisper. "I .. It's just .. Severus .." I can't continue, once again, but suddenly I feel like telling James everything that I'm thinking and feeling at the moment.

"I know, Lily. You loved Severus. You were planning on asking him out today, weren't you?" I look at him, wondering if he can read my mind. "The extra clothes and makeup and the fact that you have been acting extra flirty today. Yeah, I noticed" he murmured with a small smile. His smile drops and he continues, "Then I had to come along and Fuck everything up for you, like the idiot that I am, and that git called you a .. a .. I can't say it." I smile inwardly at the way that James can't even bring himself to say what Snape called me.

I cast my gaze down into my lap, so James can't see that I have a blush of my own creeping up my neck. James puts a hand on my arm and continues, "Now, Lily, I bet you're feeling pathetic. Like the most vile and hated person on earth and all you want to do is crawl into a hole and die." James has tears starting to overflow and run down his face again too, and it frightens me because I don't know why. My tears have only just dried up and I almost feel like crying again, simply because of the truth behind his words.

"Yes .." I breathe. "that's exactly it. But how ..?" I think I may already know the answer to this, but I need to hear him say it.

"Because, that's how I'm feeling right now."

My body immediately stiffens. My calculative mind thinks it through. If that's how I made him feel, then he is going to resent me, just as I do Severus. I move back from James a little, just in case he is going to hit me, as I currently want to do to Severus. At the moment, I don't ever want to see Severus again. I move away a little more. "James .. I don't think I will ever like Severus again …" oh no. realisation dawns on me that I have just pushed away the only person who did, and probably will ever like me. Oh Merlin.

I jump on to Sirius' bed again, and start crying. I cry and I cry and I cry. I don't even care that James is on the bed next to me, probably getting satisfaction at my breakdown. I don't care that he Is probably going to save this memory of me having another emotional breakdown and show it to everyone in his private pensieve. I cry because I have lost James before I even had him. I cry because I have made James feel what I am feeling, which I do not wish on even my enemies. And I cry because I have also lost Severus. The sobs ripping through my body shake it violently. So violently, in fact, that I don't feel the presence of someone on the bed. and I almost don't feel the soft hand upon my crumpled body. Almost.

I jerk up as I realise that James is right next to me. I move away from him so he can't hurt me, though I wouldn't blame him at all if he did. I crumple myself onto the other side of the bed, as far away from him as I can to resume my erratic sobbing. After half a minute, James pulls me up, and I am so involved in my crying that I let him. I do brace for the slap across my cheek that I am expecting, though. A slap that never comes. Instead, I get James soft hands caressing my face, wiping the tears away. Instead of the harsh criticism, I get calm soothing words like "shh, Lily, it's okay. You'll be alright, trust me, shh" James pulls me into his arms and rocks me back and forth until I have stopped crying. I suddenly jerk from his embrace, realising where I am. I immediately miss his warmth.

"James .. I'm sorry … I should go … you don't .. like me .. anymore, I understand." I say, getting up off the bed. James catches my arm and swings us down so we both land on James' bed, him right on top of me. He looks into my eyes and I think he's going to kiss me, but then his face light up in a wicked grin and he tickles me instead. Instantly, I am thrashing around on the bed and giggling like I have never done before. I suppose Remus told him I was immensely ticklish, but that's the last thing on my mind at the moment. After a while, when It is evident that I am not going to try and leave again, James lets go of me. The wicked grin he had on his face subsides into a faint, sad smile.

"Lily, James whispers. "do you want to know where you and I are different? The sound of my name coming from his lips again sent pleasant shivers down my spine.

"How?" I look up and smile slightly. "I'm not an ass?" James tickles me a little again, and then he sits up, pulling me with him. His warm, calloused hands cup my chin, forcing us to lock eyes again. Instead of the hate and resentment I'm still half expecting to see, there is warmth, forgiveness and love in his eyes. My shoulders relax, and I let myself giggle a little.

"Well, yes, but no" James chuckles too, but turns serious again. "We are different in the way that you _thought _you were _starting _to fall in love with Severus. I _know _that I've been in love with you for _years_. Lily, you have fallen out of love with Severus. I can see it in your eyes. I have never and will never fall out of love with you, and if you looked, you could see it in my eyes." I shudder, because I **can **see the undying love in his eyes. The same look he always gives me, but for the first time I actually see the love and devotion. "Lily Evans. From the moment I met you on the train in our first year, I knew I loved you. I knew you were the one for me. And 6 years later, me feelings have don nothing but intensify. Lily, you are the most gorgeous, intelligent, kind, beautiful, _perfect _person I have ever met and ever will meet."

I literally gasp. From the moment we met, James has said he 'likes me' and he has said he 'digs me'. James has called me 'hot' and 'totally shaggable'. But never once has he looked me in the eyes and told me he is in love with me. Seeing as I am lost for words, we settle into a comfortable silence.

"Lily, please would you consider coming to hogsmeade with me next Saturday?" James says after a while. He looks down shyly, that darn cute blush reforming on his cheeks.

I think about it. To be perfectly honest, I **want **to go. Like, really want to go. "On one condition" I say, eventually finding my voice.

"… that I stop acting like an ass" James guesses guiltily. To his surprise, I give a breathy laugh, shaking my head.

"Nope! But that _would _be a nice touch" I laugh again and I even see a small smile creeping onto James' face. "what I _was _going to propose was that you stop the whole blushing and shy thing! It's cute, trust me, but its not you. James Potter does not simply blush and be shy!" Secretly, I'm hoping that James will disregard my advice.

"But the thing it, Lils, James Potter was arrogant and treated you like shit. He was annoying and had no hope in hell of getting someone like you to go on a date to Hogsmeade with him." I see that sad, genuine smile again, lighting his face up in a way that you just have to love. I smile at him, and move closer so we are almost touching. As he self-consciously pulls me into his arms, he says,

"Besides, I _am _notorious for not doing what I'm told"

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Thanks for reading :') reviews, no matter how much hate, are welcome!

Peace, Love , and Cookies ,

PrimroseMalfoy , 3 , xoxox


	3. The Reasons I Love You

Disclaimer: as I have previously said , I don't own Harry Potter :/ as much as I dream and fantasise that I do xD

Please Tell me what you think :D I may or may not be continuing this , depends on what you guys think!

But for now, this is my last chapter :/

'Oh Merlin' I think to myself as I reach the entrance to the castle. 'What the hell am I doing?!' going on a date with James Potter. That's what I'm doing. I know, I can't believe it either. I finally accepted, and I am going through with it.

However much James has changed since the other week, he is still James. He's boastful – "I finally get to go on a date with Lilyyyy!" he's annoying – "Lily! Lily, guess what?! We are going on a date!" and he's completely and totally loveable – "Lily, umm are you still going to come on a date with me? I mean, if you don't want to, that's okay, I understand …" Yes, I admit it, I am beginning to be attracted to the Marauder. He's actually showing that he likes me. He actually gets shy when I'm around, and I see him visibly shake whenever I say his given name. It's actually adorable.

Not to say that I expect anything from this date, however. To be honest, I'm not even daring to get my hopes up that this will be enjoyable. My emotions can't afford me to get my hopes up. James isn't exactly known for romantic gestures, except for the flowers in my dorm every morning. And the way he walks me to class. And the way he always hugs me from behind and tickles me when I'm upset. And the way that – you know what I mean. James isn't a romantic person! He'll probably just take us to the three broomsticks with Remus and Sirius and maybe Peter, Alice and Frank. Oh! Did I tell you that Frank finally asked Alice out! Like, cute! Anyway, back to the real world.

I stand there for a little while before I see Remus and Sirius walking towards me. They must be waiting for James too. They stop next to me, and my heart sinks a little at the revelation that they are waiting for him. Then I see that they are holding hands. "Oh, _finally_" I smirk at the boys. They have been flirting since fourth year, and it was only a matter of time before they were snogging each others brains out. Sirius, of all people, blushes and ducks his head. Remus just smiles proudly. They are so cute! "you waiting for James too?" I ask.

"Nahh" Remus says, "Just came to say hi! You're not the only one with a hot date today" he smirks mischievously and the pair walk off, not before Sirius could playfully pinch Remus' ass, though! I'm left standing alone for a while longer before I start to think that coming 20 minutes early was a waste. Then I see him, and I loose my breath. James is just wearing a normal muggle shirt and a pair of Black jeans, but he looks positively gorgeous. Suddenly I don't really care if we go and have a date in the muggle dump; I just want to spend the day with him.

"Hey, beautiful" James greets me, knocking any remaining breath from my body. He jogs over to meet me and I wrap my arms around his neck instantly – partly because I love his hugs and partly because I think I might faint. He picks me up and spins me around. When he finally lets go, he looks at me with that charming smile of his. "Looks like someone is excited." He smirks.

I can't deny it anymore, I _am _excited, "yeah" I breathe, "just a little"

"Good, let's go, shall we, m'lady?" he says in a mock-formal voice, a stupid grin plastered on his face. I laugh and slip my hand into his. In the past couple of weeks, my hand has spent considerable amounts of time in James', and it feels as if it belongs there. Like his hand has moulded to accommodate mine perfectly. We start walking, the Christmas snow hitting my face, making me shiver. James lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my waist, earning a couple of wolf-whistles from Sirius, who had parted from Remus' lips just long enough to see us.

I snuggle into James arm, trying to capture some of his endless supplies of warmth. That's another thing I leant about him; he is always so warm. I bring my hand up to capture his again as he drapes his arm over my shoulder. We walk in a comfortable silence for a while, before James starts asking me questions. That's the way our conversations tend to work. He will ask me a series of questions, so he can get to know me better he says, and then he will ask a question that will get us into a three hour long friendly argument. I would have never thought, but James is actually really intelligent, and he comes up with really good arguments.

"What's your favourite colour?" he asks

"Sky Blue, yours?" I say.

"Green, like your eyes." He says promptly, making me blush. "What's your favourite season?"

"Winter" I say as I catch a snowflake in my hand.

"Why" he asks.

"Because I find the snow romantic" I say, blushing even harder and looking down.

"how many boyfriends have you had" he asks.

"one" I whisper, "Remus" Yes, Remus and I dated for a while, but it didn't work out. We are better off as just friends – brother and sister. "you?" I brace myself for the infinite amount of people that he has surely dated.

"None" he whispers softly. I literally stop.

"What?!" I say incredulously. "none?!"

"Yeah" he says with more confidence, "I was waiting for you."

"And what if I never said yes?" I challenge.

"well, you're here now." He counters. Damn, lost again. We start walking again.

"Why did you say no to me all these years?" James asks me. Oh shoot. I knew he would ask me this sooner or later, and now I have to answer it. I can't just very well tell him the real reason why I didn't say yes.

"Because I never thought I was good enough for you" I blurt out before I can stop myself. Well, apparently I _can _tell him the real reason. We are on a hill outside of hogsmeade. _How did we get here?_ I wonder and James stops me.

"Lily" he cups my chin with is hand as I try to avert his gaze. "I'm the one who is not good enough for you. You are the top student in our year. You are the head Girl. You are the one who is going to get the best Job and have the best life when we leave Hogwarts.

"But James," I whisper, still refusing to look at him, "You are also Head Boy. You are the one who everyone loves. You are the one getting adoring stares from three quarters of the female population of the school. You are the one who is popular and have so many friends. You are the one who could date pretty much anyone In the school if you asked them. But you chose me, out of everyone. It just didn't seem real." My eyes are brimming with tears. Oh Merlin I am pathetic.

"but I chose you, as you pointed out." James forces me to look in his eyes, and I see that look that he had the other week in his dorm, the undying love and devotion. "Wait, other girls stare at me?" he asked, and I giggled.

"Yes, silly! But you're too busy staring at me!"

James smiles, "exactly" he lets this sink in before he tickles me. My body contorts and in fits of giggles, we end up on the soft ground. When he stops, and my breathing starts again, I take notice of where we are. We aren't just on a hill; we are on the most beautiful hill in hogsmeade, overlooking the whole town, with Hogwarts glistening in the background. I'm sitting next to a pick nick basket, and James is sitting on a wool rug, beaming at me.

I draw in a breath of surprise, happiness and relief that James came through. "oh, James ..." I say, standing up. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind.

"You like?"

"No." I say. I pause just long enough to feel James' shoulders slump unhappily before I smile and whip around to face him, "I _love!" _without thinking, I kiss him, full on the lips.

His body tenses, and I start to think that I have done something wrong, but then he relaxes and melts into the kiss. His hands snake around my waist again and mine find their way into his already unruly hair. James licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance in which I gladly game him. The only thing going through my head are '_Merlin, I'm kidding James Potter. Merlin, James Potter is an Amazing kisser! Oh Godric James, do you realise how much I love you'_

Whoa. Wait a minute. I break the kiss, a little startled with myself. Did I actually just think that?! James looks at me, perplexed. "Lily? Did .. did I do something wrong?" suddenly I don't see James. I see the scared boy who backed away from me in the astronomy tower only a couple of weeks ago. I see the hurt in his eyes. I remember how I felt then. I see the same boy crying in his dorm, so upset that he wouldn't speak to his friends. I feel the heartbreak that I felt when I heard him cry. I see the longing in his eyes when he told me he was in love with me.

"J – James" I whisper, not sure of what I am going to say.

"Yes, Lils, what is it?" I see the genuine worry and concern in his eyes as they search into mine. I remember how I thought this was going to be a one time thing, where I scared James off or we just didn't go out again. I feel sick at the thought of _not _being with this boy. Suddenly I know what I have to tell him.

"James .. I – I think I am in love with you"

Sooooo , this MAY be the last chapter , maybe not! Tell me what you think, yeah? And maybe I will write another chapter or turn it into a full length fic :D

Peace , Love , and Cookies ,

PrimroseMalfoy 3 xoxox ,


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